Have a meeting of like Minds!

Chemistry is about more than just looks and the hormones pulsing through our bodies. It's also about the mental connection — the way we fit together emotionally and intellectually with a person.

Some may say that chemistry is even more about the mental than the physical, at least where lasting love is concerned. Whatever your verdict, finding someone whose mind you like should be as much of a priority as their physical characteristics are.

To increase your chances of a meeting of the minds, get involved in activities that stimulate your brain. While couples certainly can complement each other, there's a lot to be said for shared interests in a relationship. Sometimes bookish people look for adventurers, or accountants want to date artists, but exploring an activity that speaks to you and your talents may provide a better chance of finding a person you click with — someone on the same wavelength intellectually, emotionally, or spiritually. Doing what you enjoy, instead of what you think you should be doing, also teaches you to love who you are. In doing so, you're more likely to find like-minded prospects.

Set up a time to babysit for some married friends

Many singles long to have a family, and this is a way to spend time with children. It also is an excellent opportunity to serve your brothers and sisters in Christ. Many parents need one-on-one time to build their marriage relationship, and the only way they get that time is when someone is willing to watch the kids. Believe me, the parents will come home renewed and very grateful for your involvement with their family.

Rush of a New Attraction

One of life's most thrilling experiences is to feel the rush of attraction with someone you've just met, or even someone you're seeing in a new light. It's the motivation for dating — the hope that a spark will ignite and propel you toward the relationship you seek. But what happens when the spark, rather than the relationship, becomes the goal?

There are various terms for people who live for — and live in — that initial attraction: the serial dater, the player, or the infatuation junkie. Many of us have dated one; some of us may even be one. Believe me it's understandable because I have even been there : Infatuation, the rush of new attraction, is one of nature's most delicious processes. The body releases a whole cocktail of hormones in response to a new love object. Brain chemicals like norepinephrine and phenylethylamine kick in, causing a little euphoric madness. Your heart races, your body temperature rises. I don't have to tell you what all of this does for sex.…

People who get stuck in the sparks, however, deny themselves the opportunity for a deeper kind of passion. Every lasting relationship eventually moves from the infatuation stage to an attachment stage. It's the marker of mature love and not, as some can perceive it, a sign of being too close or even falling out of love.

If you think you or someone close to you may be an infatuation addict (and you're not 20 years old), take the pattern seriously. There is likely a good reason that real commitment is being dodged, beyond the lust for constant excitement. Talking it out with a therapist can help.

How to talk about Herpes

Dating is tough enough, and adding an issue like herpes to the mix can create some added (and understandable) anxiety. When to bring it up? And how? What will the reaction be? Questions like these will swirl through anyone's mind as they consider starting a new sexual relationship. Getting the straight facts can help the conversation go more smoothly.

Both oral and genital herpes are the result of contact with a virus that remains permanently in the nervous system. Herpes simplex virus 1 is most often associated with oral herpes, while herpes simplex virus 2 is linked to genital herpes. However, both viruses can cause breakouts in both areas — a fact which makes it unfair that genital herpes is more stigmatized than oral herpes. "Cold sores" may come from the same source as genital herpes.

Two-thirds of the 100 million Americans with oral herpes and 45 million with genital herpes never have any symptoms. It's not usually possible to catch either of the viruses unless there is an active breakout, visible as a red rash that progresses to blisters. Abstinence (from sex and kissing) is best during breakouts. Condoms are a good idea for the times between breakouts, but even then it's still possible to transmit herpes via a process known as shedding. That risk is small, though, so abstinence during breakouts and condoms at all other times gives you the best odds of not contracting the virus.

Now, here is the ultimate step for you. Approach the herpes conversation with an open mind. Is it something you can work around? Is it a deal-breaker for the person you're talking to? Herpes still allows for a full and satisfying sex life, if both people are committed. It's important to remember that every person has some aspect of their sexuality they struggle with and a chronic STD like herpes is merely one of them. Whether you're the one telling or the one being told, knowledge is power.

Does God Really Give Us the Desires of Our Hearts?

As a single have you ever asked the question, "If God gives me the desires of my heart, why am I still single?" Of all the questions I've been asked, this is probably the number one question. To understand this Scripture fully, it's important to put it in context.

"Trust in the LORD and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture. Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the LORD; trust in him and he will do this: He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun. Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him…" (Psalm 37:5-7a, NIV).

Today, if you're struggling in your singleness, don't lose heart. These verses are key in helping you with your frustration of being single. Is your delight, your joy, in the Lord? This is vital for anyone to have true joy.

The first twenty years of my life I put much of my joy in my boyfriends. My mood swings went from high to low depending on how a relationship was going. I later realized my joy was in a man, not in my relationship with the Lord.

Our delight must be first in the Lord. It must be priority in our lives.

Thoughts to Ponder.......

Please know that there really is something holding you back from love and for me, it had nothing to do with what’s happening in the outside world and everything to do with what’s happening inside of me. When you end up in relationships or in dating situations that are not to your liking, your uncomfortable unconscious feelings are being reflected to you as if you were looking into a mirror. When you give yourself and people around you the reasons for why you are still single, your unconscious uncomfortable feelings are showing through the reasons you give.

Did You Ever?

This past weekend, one of my close girlfriends asked me if when I was single, "Did I wonder why everyone else seemed to be happily in love while you are not? Did I wonder where all the good ones are? Did it seem that everywhere I looked, I ran across people who are not a fit for me and that many of our friends appear to be having the same problem? Did I wonder why I could not get to the second date or, at times, even to the first date? Did I wonder why I can’t seem to keep a relationship? Did I keep trying to figure out how to be better, different or more attractive, so that I could finally be in a relationship? Well, I asked her, "Have you given up on having a loving relationship in your life altogether?

This great dilemma of why you are still single after everything you have tried to do to get into a relationship baffles and bothers most singles. If only meeting more eligible people provided a solution to finding the right mate, what you have already done to meet new people would have worked. If the solution amounted to reading self-help books and learning more about yourself, then the self-learning you have already done would have helped you to attract a mate. If the solution meant talking about and processing your past in therapy, then, for those of you who have done therapy, it would have already helped you. And, if giving up on love altogether really worked, you would be happy alone, not bothered by the lack of a loving partner.

My answer to her was No, Not at all.